Selective Mutism at School: Taking the Pressure Off Speaking

A child who chats happily at home but says nothing at all at school can puzzle adults. It is tempting to call it shyness, or stubbornness, or a phase. With selective mutism, none of those labels fit, and the way adults respond makes a real difference to how quickly the child recovers.

What selective mutism is

The NHS describes selective mutism as an anxiety disorder in which a person is unable to speak in certain social situations, such as at school, while speaking freely with close family and friends. The key word is unable. The child is not choosing silence. When the anxiety is triggered, the words do not come.

According to the NHS, it affects about 1 in 140 young children. It usually starts between the ages of two and four and is often first noticed when a child starts nursery or school. It is more common in girls and in children who have recently moved from their country of birth.

The SMIRA charity (Selective Mutism Information and Research Association) describes it as something close to a phobia of speaking. A child may have a small “talking circle” of people and places where speech is possible, and freeze outside it.

For a diagnosis, the NHS explains that the pattern needs to have lasted at least a month, or two months in a new setting. That second figure matters for schools. Many children are quiet in their first weeks somewhere new, and children learning English often go through a silent period while they listen and absorb a new language. Neither of these is selective mutism by itself. A child who is fluent and chatty in their home language at home, but silent in every language at school for months, is a different picture.

What it is not

It is not defiance. A child who looks blank, turns away or freezes when spoken to is usually experiencing intense anxiety. Treating it as rudeness or a power struggle tends to increase the anxiety, which makes speaking even harder.

It is also not something most children simply grow out of. The NHS specifically advises parents not to accept the view that a child will grow out of it or is just shy. Without support, it can continue into adolescence and adulthood.

What does not help

Several common adult instincts make things worse. SMIRA and the NHS both warn against them.

• Asking “Why won’t you talk?” The child usually does not know, and the question adds pressure.
• Bribing, or promising a reward for speaking. The NHS is direct about this: do not pressurise or bribe your child.
• Trying to trick the child into speaking, for example by tickling them or making them laugh. It may produce a sound once, and then breaks trust.
• Praising speech loudly in front of the class. The attention can be as frightening as the speaking.
• Making a big deal of the silence, by discussing it in front of the child or other pupils.

What does help

Take the expectation of speech away. This sounds backwards, but it is the foundation. Let the child know, in calm and simple words, that you know talking feels hard at the moment, that it will get easier, and that they do not have to talk until they are ready. Many children relax noticeably once they no longer feel watched.

Accept other ways of communicating. Pointing, nodding, thumbs up, writing, drawing, picture cards, whiteboards. These are steps forward, and they keep the child included in learning. In school, I find that a simple set of response cards on the desk helps a child who cannot yet answer aloud stay part of the lesson.

Keep including them. Register can be answered with a wave or a card. Group work can include roles that do not require speaking, such as recorder or illustrator. The ideas in our piece on questioning that brings quieter pupils in, such as thinking time and mini-whiteboards, help here too.

Praise effort quietly. A smile, a quiet word afterwards, or a note home works better than public celebration.

Small steps and the sliding-in technique

Structured programmes usually follow the work of Maggie Johnson and Alison Wintgens, whose Selective Mutism Resource Manual is widely used by speech and language therapists and schools in the UK. Their approach breaks speaking into very small steps and only changes one thing at a time: the person, the place or the task.

One well-known method is called sliding-in. SMIRA describes it like this. The child plays a simple speaking game, such as counting or naming pictures, with someone they already talk to, usually a parent, in a quiet room at school. A key adult waits outside. Then the door is left slightly open, then fully open. Then the key adult comes in and joins the activity, at first without making eye contact. Once the child is talking with the key adult present, the parent can gradually step back.

The steps are small on purpose. If a step is too big and the child freezes, the advice is to make it smaller, or end the session on something the child can do, not to push through.

This work should be planned with the SENCO and, ideally, a speech and language therapist. It goes best when everyone in school, from the class teacher to lunchtime staff, knows the plan and responds in the same way. If you are a parent starting that conversation, our guide on working with your child’s SENCO may help.

When to get help

If your child has not spoken at nursery or school for more than a month, or two months after a move, talk to your GP or the school SENCO. The NHS says you can ask your GP for a referral to a specialist service, or contact your local NHS speech and language therapy service directly. Treatment focuses on reducing anxiety rather than on speech, and the NHS notes that most children can overcome selective mutism, especially when it is identified early.

If your child seems very anxious more generally, our article on helping an anxious child covers related approaches. If you are ever worried about your child’s immediate safety, call 999.

Further reading

• Johnson, M. and Wintgens, A. (2001). The Selective Mutism Resource Manual. Speechmark Publishing. A second edition was published in 2016.
• NHS. Selective mutism. nhs.uk/mental-health.
• SMIRA (Selective Mutism Information and Research Association). Advice for schools and parents. selectivemutism.org.uk.
• American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5), where selective mutism is classified as an anxiety disorder.

Cover image: Photo by Jun Ren on Unsplash.