Executive Function, Explained for Parents

Some children can tell you everything about dinosaurs but cannot remember to bring their PE kit home. Others know exactly what they should do but cannot stop themselves doing something else. Often, these are not problems of intelligence or effort. They are about executive function.

What executive function means

Executive function is a set of mental skills that help us manage our thinking and behaviour. Researchers usually describe three core skills:

• Working memory: holding information in mind while using it, such as remembering a three-step instruction or keeping track of a sum.
• Inhibitory control: stopping an automatic response, waiting your turn, resisting a distraction.
• Cognitive flexibility: switching between tasks, seeing a problem a different way, adapting when plans change.

These core skills combine to support planning, organisation, time management, starting tasks and controlling emotions.

A slow-developing set of skills

Executive function develops gradually through childhood and adolescence and continues into the mid-twenties. The part of the brain most involved, the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last to mature.

This means it is normal for a seven-year-old to forget instructions or a thirteen-year-old to leave homework until the last minute. Children are not miniature adults with full planning skills.

Some children, including many with ADHD and some autistic children, find executive function tasks especially hard. They may need more support for longer.

Signs a child is finding it hard

A child who finds executive function hard may lose belongings often, start tasks without finishing them, or sit in front of homework they understand without being able to begin. Many forget instructions with more than one step, get very upset when plans change, or have little sense of how long things take.

How to help at home

Think of support as scaffolding: you provide the structure the child cannot yet provide for themselves, and gradually remove it as they grow.

Support working memory

• Give one instruction at a time, or write steps down.
• Use checklists for routines, such as packing a school bag.
• Ask your child to repeat instructions back to you.

Support planning and time

• Use visual timers so time becomes something they can see.
• Break big projects into small, dated steps.
• Plan the week together on a family calendar.

Support self-control

• Practise waiting in small doses, such as in games that involve turn-taking.
• Make rules clear and consistent.
• Plan ahead for tricky moments: “When we’re in the shop, what will you do if you see sweets?”

Support flexibility

• Give warnings before changes.
• Play games that involve switching rules, such as Simon Says or card games with changing conditions.
• Talk through plan B: “If it rains, we’ll go to the library instead.”

Games that build executive function

Many familiar games exercise these skills. Memory card games, Simon Says, Jenga, board games that require planning, building with blocks from a picture, and pretend play with rules all help.

Be patient with yourself and your child

Executive function improves with age and practice, but slowly. It helps to see forgetfulness and disorganisation as skills still under construction, not as laziness. When we provide structure kindly and consistently, children gradually learn to provide it for themselves.