Talking to Children About Frightening News

Children hear about the news whether or not we plan for them to. A headline on a phone at breakfast, a radio left on in the car, a conversation in the playground. By the time an adult decides whether to mention something, many children already know a version of it, and the version they have is often scarier than the facts.

So the question for most parents is less “should I tell them?” and more “how do I help them make sense of what they have already picked up?”

Find out what they already know

Start by asking, not explaining. “Have you heard people talking about anything in the news this week?” or “What are your friends saying about it?” gives you a picture of where your child is before you add anything.

This matters because children fill gaps with imagination. A young child who has heard the word “flood” might assume it could happen in their bedroom tonight. An older child might have seen a clip online with no context at all. Once you know what they think is happening, you can correct the bits that are wrong and leave alone the bits they have not asked about.

In school, I find the same approach works with pupils. Asking an open question first saves you from answering a question nobody asked, and it shows the child that their understanding is worth hearing.

Tell the truth, at the right size

Honesty builds trust, but honesty does not mean every detail. The aim is a true answer that fits the child in front of you.

Under-sevens

Keep it short and concrete. “Something sad happened in another country. Lots of people are helping.” Young children mostly want to know whether they, and the people they love, are safe. Answer that directly. You do not need to explain causes, politics or numbers.

Primary-age children

Children between about seven and eleven often want more facts and may ask “why?” repeatedly. Give simple, accurate explanations and be willing to say “I don’t know” when that is the truth. If they have heard something untrue, correct it calmly. This is also the age when children can start to understand that news reports focus on rare and unusual events, which is part of why they feel so frightening.

Teenagers

Older children will often have seen far more than you have, usually through social media. They may want to talk about fairness, blame, or what should be done. Listen more than you speak. Ask where they got their information and talk together about how to tell a reliable source from a rumour. Teenagers still want to know that the adults around them are steady, even if they would not say so.

Reduce the volume of exposure

There is research suggesting that heavy exposure to coverage of disasters and attacks is linked with more distress in children. A 2014 review by Betty Pfefferbaum and colleagues in Current Psychiatry Reports looked at studies of disaster media coverage and found associations between greater viewing and stress reactions, although the authors were careful to note that most studies could not show cause and effect.

That is enough reason to be thoughtful at home. Some practical habits:

• Keep rolling news channels off when young children are in the room.
• Be aware of what is on in the car and on your own phone screen.
• For older children, agree some limits on scrolling, especially before bed.
• Choose news made for children, such as BBC Newsround, if your child wants to stay informed. It is written with their age in mind.

The Mental Health Foundation makes a useful point here: avoid hurriedly switching the television off or closing a web page the moment a child walks in. That tends to make them more curious, not less. A calm “let’s put something else on and we can talk about that later if you want” works better.

You can read more about setting screen limits as a family in Screen Time Without the Shouting.

Reassurance that holds up

“Don’t worry, nothing bad will happen” is tempting, but children can tell when an adult is promising something they cannot guarantee. Reassurance works better when it is specific and true:

• “This is happening a long way from here.”
• “Things like this are very rare. That is why it is on the news.”
• “There are lots of people whose job is to keep us safe, like firefighters, doctors and police.”
• “If anything changed, I would tell you, and we would make a plan together.”

It also helps to point children towards the helpers. Many children feel calmer when they hear about rescue teams, volunteers and people raising money. If your child wants to do something, such as donate some pocket money or make a card, that sense of being able to act can ease the helpless feeling.

Notice feelings, including your own

Children often show worry sideways. Trouble sleeping, clinginess, stomach aches, or repeated questions about the same event can all be signs that something is sitting heavily. Naming the feeling gently (“I wonder if you’re feeling worried about what you heard”) gives them words they may not have found yet. There are more ideas in Naming Feelings.

Expect the same question more than once. Children process things in small pieces and come back when they are ready for the next bit. Bedtime is a common moment for this. If it comes at an awkward time, it is fine to say “That’s a really good question. Can we talk about it after tea?” and then keep that promise.

Your own reaction matters too. Children read our faces and tone more than our words. It is fine to say “I feel sad about it as well.” What helps is showing that adults can feel upset and still cope. If you are finding the news very hard yourself, try to have those conversations with other adults out of earshot.

When to get help

Most children’s worries about the news ease with time, routine and calm conversations. Speak to your GP, or to your child’s school (the class teacher, pastoral lead or SENCO), if worry is lasting for weeks, affecting sleep, eating or school attendance, or if your child seems unable to stop thinking about it. Children who have been directly affected by an event, or who have a family connection to it, may need more support. The ideas in Helping an Anxious Child may also be useful.

Children and young people can talk to Childline for free on 0800 1111. If you are ever worried about a child’s immediate safety, call 999.

Further reading

• Mental Health Foundation. Talking to children about scary world events. mentalhealth.org.uk.
• Childline. Worries about the world. childline.org.uk.
• Pfefferbaum, B. et al. (2014). Disaster media coverage and psychological outcomes: descriptive findings in the extant research. Current Psychiatry Reports, 16(9), 464.
• NHS. Every Mind Matters. nhs.uk/every-mind-matters.

Cover image: Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash.