Parents’ Evenings and Difficult Conversations with Parents

A five-minute slot at a parents’ evening can shape how a family feels about school for the rest of the year. So can a phone call about a bad day. Most parents want the same thing you do, which is for their child to do well. Conversations go better when they can see that clearly from the first minute.

This article is for teachers and support staff. Parents may find it useful too, as a picture of what a good conversation with school can look like.

What the evidence says about communicating with parents

The Education Endowment Foundation’s guidance report “Working with Parents to Support Children’s Learning”, by Matthew van Poortvliet, Nick Axford and Jenny Lloyd, gives schools four recommendations. One of them is to tailor school communications to encourage positive dialogue about learning. The report suggests that messages are likely to be more effective when they are personalised and linked to learning, that they should include positive news such as celebrating success, and that communication should be two-way. It also advises schools to communicate carefully so they avoid stigmatising, blaming or discouraging parents.

For pupils with SEND, the SEND Code of Practice says schools should enable parents to share their knowledge about their child, and that where a pupil receives SEN support, schools should meet parents at least three times each year. Parents often know things about their child that school never sees.

Before the conversation

A few minutes of preparation per pupil makes the slot far more useful. For each pupil, try to have:

• two or three specific strengths, with examples
• one or two priorities for improvement, with examples
• one or two concrete things the pupil can do next, and one thing a parent could do at home if they want to
• any relevant information from colleagues: the form tutor, the SENCO, the TA who works with the pupil

Check the pupil’s records for anything you should know. If a pupil has an SEN support plan or an EHC plan, know what is in it before you sit down. If there is a pastoral or safeguarding context, ask the relevant lead whether there is anything you need to be aware of. You do not need the details, just enough to avoid saying something unhelpful.

Bring work to show. A page from an exercise book or a screenshot of a program the pupil wrote makes your comments concrete in a way grades cannot.

Start with strengths

Open with something positive and true. “Amira asks some of the best questions in the class” is far better than “She’s a lovely girl”, because it shows you know her as a learner.

Starting with strengths only works if the praise is true and specific. Every pupil has something going well, and parents of pupils who struggle may have heard very little good news from school. If they arrive braced for criticism, a specific positive comment helps them listen to the rest.

Be specific about what to work on

Vague concerns leave parents worried and unsure what to do. Compare:

• “He needs to focus more.”
• “In the last three lessons he has started the independent task about ten minutes late. When he starts straight away, his work is good. I’d like him to try starting with the first question as soon as I set the task.”

The second version describes what you have seen, explains why it matters, and gives a clear next step. It is much harder to argue with, and much easier to act on.

Avoid jargon and acronyms. Terms like “working towards”, “GDS”, “SEMH” or “flight path” can leave parents nodding without understanding. If you need to use a term, explain it.

Listen as much as you talk

Ask parents what they see at home. “How does she talk about computing at home?” or “Is there anything you think I should know?” can bring out information that changes your view of the pupil. A pupil who seems unmotivated in class may be up late caring for a sibling. A pupil who seems confident may be anxious every Sunday night.

When parents disagree with you, ask what they have seen. You may both be right about different situations.

Agree next steps

End the conversation with something both sides understand. Keep it short:

• what the pupil will do
• what you will do
• what the parent might do, if they want to
• when and how you will check in

Write it down, even if only in your own notes. If the school has a system for recording parent contact, use it.

Difficult conversations

Some conversations are harder: a serious behaviour incident, a concern about progress, a suspected special educational need, or a parent who is angry with the school.

Prepare and plan

Where possible, avoid having a hard conversation on the spot at the school gate. Arrange a time, ideally in person or by phone rather than email, and make sure you have the facts. Check with your line manager or head of year first if you are unsure. Some conversations should not be held alone.

Stay calm and factual

Describe what happened without labels. “He pushed another pupil during break and the other pupil was hurt” is clearer and fairer than “He was aggressive”.

If a parent is upset or angry, let them speak. Acknowledge their feelings (“I can hear how worried you are”) without agreeing to things you cannot promise. If a conversation becomes abusive, you are entitled to end it politely and arrange to continue with a senior colleague present.

Raising a possible SEND need

If you think a pupil may have an unidentified need, talk to the SENCO before you talk to the parent. The SENCO will know the school’s process and can advise on how to raise it. Describe what you have observed and what you have already tried, and avoid suggesting a diagnosis. Teachers are not in a position to diagnose, and a careless label can cause lasting worry.

When to involve the SENCO or pastoral lead

Bring in a colleague when:

• a parent raises a concern about SEND or a possible need
• the pupil already has an SEN support plan or EHC plan and the conversation is about provision
• there are concerns about wellbeing, mental health, attendance or family circumstances
• the conversation is likely to be contentious or has gone badly before
• you feel out of your depth

If anything a parent or pupil says raises a safeguarding concern, follow your school’s safeguarding procedures and speak to the Designated Safeguarding Lead the same day.

Follow up

The conversation matters less than what happens after it. Do the thing you said you would do. If you agreed to check in after two weeks, put it in your diary now. A short positive message (“She started every task straight away this week”) makes it much more likely that the next conversation will go well.

Further reading

• van Poortvliet, M., Axford, N. and Lloyd, J. (2018). Working with Parents to Support Children’s Learning: Guidance Report. Education Endowment Foundation.
• Department for Education and Department of Health (2015). Special educational needs and disability code of practice: 0 to 25 years.